until we meet again...

my fellow bloggerans,

the time has come. after much deliberation and feelings of guilt (hey, i'm catholic) i have come to the conclusion that i am no longer the blog girl i once was was. i am no longer ridden with copious amounts of time on my hands to write and write and write even more nonsense. i wish the days where i could sit around for hours thinking up silly stories and anecdotes to share with you had not passed, but alas they have. and becasuse of that i must say goodbye.

i shared a good year+ with you fine folks, and i'll be sure to stop in on your sites as often as i can. thanks so much for reading and don't forget... a little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men. -willy wonka

yours in the blogosphere,
sara

i'm feeling very random today...

the undertaker brought his daughter to class the other day and he had this huge bandage on his forehead so we were all joking that he prolly got hit in the head with a chair. turns out, we were right. (i saw it on smackdown friday night-awesome!)

there is this not so cute (so that makes him cute) kid in one of my 2 year old classes, his name is eddie. he's hysterical. he thinks he's a rockstar. he has this little ukulele he carries around. and when he doesn't have the ukulele then he's got straws as drumsticks. hilarious. anyway, the other day he stands up on top of these stacked mats screams 'champs like us baby we were born to run' and jumps down and pretty much face plants it into the mats below. stands up and says 'tada!'

a couple weeks ago i saw the best looking dude ever at einstein brother's. i keep going there around the same time during the week hoping to see him again. i'm starting to wonder if einstein's just kind of plants hot men in there so that girls like me will keep coming back.

this, that, and a side of nothing...

so a big reason i don't write as much as i use to is that i don't really have anything to write about. i work a lot and i go out even less. i mean, funny things happen, but by the time i get around to the computer i no longer find them that humorous and assume you won't either. but yesterday, during my whopping 5 hours of down time for the week i was reading through some old blogs and realized i never had anything to write about. all i did was babble about nonsense and tried to make it sound interesting. heck, i can still do that! if i had realized so long ago that that's what i did, well then, my friends, i would never have become such a slacker. now i just have to find a way to make time to type. i woke up early this morning to type. well that and i showered last night so what would normally be my shower time is my typing time today. it throws me off when i get out of routine though, so i'm naked and intermittenly throwing water on myself, ya know-just to keep myself balanced.

i went in to work yesterday because one of my instructors got her car towed sat night. it was my 7th day in a row at the gym. hahahaha. that just makes me laugh. and jessica has to go to houston for a funeral today, so that means i get to be in every class. all day. sweeet!

i went and saw ian moore on sat. night. i love that man. at the end of the show he unplugged and came down into the crowd and played totally acoustic. fanfuckingtastic. there was this one dude who had apparently requested some song that ian forgot to play, so he went to the back where he was sitting and sang it to him. i decided that was a moment the kid would not soon forget. not b/c ian sang to him-which was awesome- but b/c it was a song about being lonely and hearbroken and the dude was totally sitting in the very far back corner all by himself, obviously lonely and heartbroken. it made me laugh. i think that might make me evil.
(note: i'm not laughing b/c the dude is lonely and heartbroken-it makes me laugh b/c the poor dude probably went to the show to sit in the back and be miserable and listen to good music, not to be called out on his depression. i may still be evil though.)

ian also told this story about paul anka telling off his band and yelling at them 'i slice like a hammer!" like a hammer huh, paul? niiiiiice. i went to the show with 2 girls from work and they decided that would be my new tagline. sara: slices like a hammer. nah, but seriously... since i'm management, i spend a lot of my day at the desk/in the office. which means that i'm pretty much the go to person for parental questions and misbehaving children. since coming out of class to sit with me is usually the threat that is given to trouble kiddos, my 2 girls decided that they are gonna start telling kids to knock it off or they are gonna have to come see me, and i slice like a hammer! that's one of our favortite things to do. talk and make jokes to one another during class that are completely above the kids head. never anything they could repeat though. that would just be bad form.

i'm going to get dressed now. clothes are good. except that i just realized i never put my shirts in the dryer last night. dammitall . i gotta go.

the soundtrack of my life (abridged)

alright so i wrote a whole blog about the ridiculousness of my day and how i spent it running into things, barely completely sentences, tripping over cords and nearly falling on children, and of course chest planting stamp pads onto my nice white shirt. i proceeded to talk about walking in on some poor woman in the bathroom and not even apologizing-just saying "whoopsidaisy" and walking away and how i called 'harry and david' 'harry and potter' about 4 times before my mom made me realize i was a spazz. all of which got deleted, b/c the internet can bite me. well that's not why it got deleted, but that's what i have to say about it getting deleted. i then proceeded to tell you about how when i have bad days i like to sing. one song in particular usually comes to mind. 'old man tucker.' it's from mrs. corey's music class. back at forest elementary (racoon's in the hizzouse!). 'old man tucker was a mighty man, washed his face in a frying pan, brushed his teeth with a wagon wheel, had a toothache in his heel. get out the way old man tucker, get out the way old man tucker, get out the way old man tucker, you're too late to get your supper" (and scene). and how when i was singing it today i kinda questioned whether it was tucker or not so i looked it up only to find out it's not old MAN tucker, it's old DAN tucker. at that point i really didn't even have the heart to check the rest of the words-- 20 years i've been singing a song incorrectly. 20 effin' years, man. who does that?

and that's the blog i wrote you. only this was the cliffs notes version. i'm too tired to write it all again. i really just want to go to bed and end this day. 20 years. [sigh]

gun show...

i drove past this convention center type place today and it had a big sign out front that said "gun show" it took all the self-control i could muster for me not to go in, walk up to the dude in charge, and say "i'll give you a gun show" and then render him speechless by displaying my bulging biceps.

aluminum makes me hot...

the other day i was at the local record store, minding my own business, looking at some magnets they had on display. due to the humorous nature of said magents i was (yeah i'll admit it) chuckling out loud (to myself, mind you) when i hear a booming voice from behind say "they have some funny ones there?" to which i spin around in alarm and spot a gentleman with slightly tattered clothing and long flowing locks. i respond with a simple "yep" and a slight, obviously forced, grin.

now, this is where things get a bit hazy for me. maybe it's just me, but i would think a general rule of thumb, amongst normal folk, would be that if you ask a stranger a question and they barely answer you and immediately turn back to what they were doing, you'd maybe, possibly, consider leaving them be.

not this kind sir. he apparently took my abrupt response and forced grin as an invitation. an invitation to lay it on thick no less. he proceeded to tell me about how he recently moved here and in the move had his safe (yes, i said safe) stolen and lost all of his money. all $300,000 of it. yeah, i know. i don't get it either.

after a few other comments about how he's a (insert eye roll here) musician and has a studio and blah blah blah...he drops what may be the most absurd line ever. "so, are you into metal?" am i what? metal? like alloys? oh, we're talking music here? yes. i'm waaaay into metal. that's why i'm wearing a button down shirt, pinstripe pants, glasses and have a straw purse. because i'm into metal. hardcore. i mean seriously, dude!?!? come on!

does it really matter what happened after that?

(sigh)

the whole thing just made my head hurt.

and yes, i'm sure the pain was because of the conversation and not the rockin' metal show i had gone to the night before.

traffic woes and foes...

what in the sam hill is up with people who are turning right and wait for the friggin' new moon before turning into the wide open lane that is legally the lane the suppose to turn into anyway? the first lane has tumbleweeds blowing across it it's so empty and yet they don't turn until all 3 lanes are free and clear. i can understand waiting if you need to cut across said lanes, but when you end up turning into the first lane anyway, why not grow some cajones and just go before i plow you from behind.

oh and what's the deal with my mom getting pulled over for going 67 in a 65. note to self...beware of cops in the dilley area. they're bitches. and i bet they wait for all lanes of traffic to flow past before taking right hand turns.

i'm still here...

quite possibly without my sanity, but here just the same.

so you know your a blog slacker when...

1. you have to actually remember your password to blogger because your computer no longer automatically signs you in when you come to post.
2. you get emails about how your links to things/people are outdated.
3. ted is posting more often than you are (oh and t-dawg, your email keeps throwing back what i'm flinging at it, so get on that.)
4. you think of random things to write about about but then second guess whether you should or not, because you're not reeeally sure anyone is actually paying attention anymore.
5. you're me.
6. or my sister...

beep! beep! beep!

we interrupt this list for the "sara's a moron" portion of the program...

so, i'm sure this probably won't surprise many of you, but i left my wallet at a bar the other night. i'm not quite sure how i did it, considering i didn't actually purchase anything at the bar in question. but whatever! luckily, unlike me, my buddies can mangage to stay up past oh say dark and they were still at the bar when they announced my name on the pa system. "paging the really cool chick who left her life at a bar downtown on a friday night and probably wouldn't have even noticed until the next day, when she went to buy lunch and couldn't, and then she would have torn her world apart looking for said life in every place except the place she actually left it."

that's what they said. i swear.

hey so let's go ahead and break it down now with a slow little love jelly. uh i mean jam.

that made no sense.

this afternoon i saw these two really not attractive, slightly hefty women walking down the street all wrapped up in each other just laughing and enjoying the glorious day together and it made me happy. for them. and the world in general. it reminded me that life really is what you make of it.

my best bud from high school in colorado is getting married. i haven't seen her in probably 7 or 8 years. it doesn't matter. i'm still way excited for her. congrats l.

i found out my boy b is having baby #2. his first baby just turned 1. which means c probably hasn't even garage saled away her maternity clothes yet. so that's good. not to mention pretty couples = pretty babies (usually). congrats.

so, you know what's cool? knowing the flippin' top ten lessons for surviving a zombie attack. that's what's cool.

1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.

thanks for that, j . you're swell. (for more on how defend yourself against zombies go here)

alright, well folks, miss sara is outta here. she's bouncing on out. she's scootchin' her badootch. she's off like a whore's bra on, well, any night. wow, that was tasteful.

we'll see ya next time. until then, just remember...it ain't easy bein' cheeeeesy....

there once was a girl from nantucket....

i went to vegas. jacy and laura went too. at one point laura got her shoe stuck in the sidewalk and yelled at the mass of people behind her "you can go around me!" then some nice gentleman advized her to take her shoe off. i'm just glad she didn't fall and go rolling on the ground due to cylintrical force. or is it centrifugal. if only i were an engineer i might know. those last three sentences aren't suppose to make sense. they're inside jokes that i could explain, but then they wouldn't be inside anymore.

my knee is swollen. i didn't know why. then i banged it on the desk at work this afternoon and i remembered that i do that every day at least twice. i mean i'm not a doctor or anything, but that might not be so good for my knee.

jose (my lead instructor at work) played a festival show in laredo this weekend. jessica (my other lead instructor) and i decided to road trip it down and surprise him. after that show, they had to play this wedding reception after party and none of the guys really wanted to do it, so jess and i called the cops and complained about the noise. it rallied about 5 cop cars, but they didn't shut the shit down so jessica and i decided to just crash the party and float the keg.

because i love you, get yerself some ed harcourt.

because he's a porn actor (and by porn actor i mean a badass), go here.

because it's flippin' random, and strangely brilliant, go here.

because i'm already going to hell, sing this to the tune of 'yankee doodle dandy':
helen keller went to town, riding on a pony
stuck a feather in her hat, and called it eahegh.

damn the man.
save the empire.

a night in the life of mom...

all i have to say is that my mom rules.

this is an email she sent to me and my siblings at 5 am this morning.

Couldn't sleep tonight so i started folding clothes around 2 a.m.- that done, I decided to at least put away papi's underwear, t-shirts, etc., all nicely folded - that done; i crawled under the covers..hmm 3 a.m. and still awake..okay where's that exercise ball papi inflated for me..into the girl's room, oh Hi Ball..let's check you out..cool, just the right size, lean to the right, lean to the left..oooh this is a little heavy leaning and holding this thing over my head..hmm..dumb hour to exercise, okay back to bed..comfy..smooth, clean sheets, nice, papi's warm back leaning into my back..THEN..a blasting car alarm! i looked at the clock, 3:45 a.m...i jumped out of bed saying to papi..that's YOUR car alarm..(I hear a sleepy 'ya) dashing down the hallway, I jumped into my flip-flops, ran out to the driveway and no car..OH MY GOD!! IT"S GONE!!!!!!!!! Running back into the house, almost stroking out, I yelled, IT'S GONE..THEY STOLE YOUR CAR!! as I'm picking up the phone to dial 911 I hear your father's sleepy voice say..I parked out front last night..WHHHAAATTTT????? He NEVER parks "out front"! So back done the hallway, car keys in hand, out I went to park the car back in the driveway! As i got in the car, and the lights came on, there on the windshield, sliming down in the moonlight, are cracked RAW EGGS all over the car windows..so into the driveway I drove and then the fun began..I ran over to grab the hose and the sprinkler was attached so I stood there trying to unscrew a sprinkler head that had been COOKED onto the damn hose in this 110 degree weather of late..didn't work..oh hell, just turn on the hose and hold the damn thing straight at the car..it worked..sort of..as water sprayed in every direction soaking my pajamas and feet I tried desperately to wash off the windows using my bare hands..UGH!! Gross..into the kitchen, then out with windex, sponge, and dripping clothes, back out to the car..now finished, hose off, car washed, I tripped back in the house and showered. Finally, crawled back into bed. Then the giggles began and I just had to share my story w/ my kids. Look at the time of this e-mail..it's almost five a.m., and I AM WIDE F"n AWAKE!!! Shit, I should be at a party..Oh to be young again. But, Oh, the joys of living in laredo..I found out that it's cool, well, 80 or so outside, so maybe I really can sleep now..I just opened the bedroom window so I can breathe some fresh air..Your father is SOUND asleep, bless his heart. Night, night my sweet munchkins :) XOXOXOXO mami